First, a musical tribute to an up and coming (or down and going) Pimp/Profit, Mark Chironna

(sung to the tune of My Sharona)

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Ooh, now brothers pity one, oh pity one
Who’s fallen in the ditch with that blind Chironna,Psycho-Babble we should shun, we should shun
TBN is outta their mind Chironna,Never gonna stop, fleecin’ sheep, such a darkened mind
He just makes it up, for the cash, of the church’s blind
Why, why,why aye-aye, whoa!
M-m-m-Mark Chironna

Callin’ up the number on the screen

Why they buyin’ into your lies Chironna?

Keepin’ it a mystery, lest they see

You’re talking from your behind, Chirronna

Never gonna stop, fleecin’ sheep, such a darkened mind
He just makes it up, for the cash, of the church’s blind
Why, why,why aye-aye, whoa!
M-m-m-Mark Chironna

M-m-m-Mark Chironna

Why you always askin’ me, to send a seed

Ain’t you gettin’ rich from your tithe Chironna??

Isn’t T-T-TBN, T-TBN

Givin’ you a slice of their pie Chironna?

Never gonna stop, fleecin’ sheep, such a darkened mind
He just makes it up, for the cash, of the church’s blind
Why, why,why aye-aye, whoa!

M-m-m-Mark Chironna
M-m-m-Mark Chironna
M-m-m-Mark Chironna

Ooooooo-ohhh, Mark Chironna
Ooooooo-ohhh, Mark Chironna
Ooooooo-ohhh, Mark Chironna

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Now…….don’t you feel better?? I always like my heresy served with a catchy tune.Chironna bills himself (as all pimps must, it seems) as a Bishop. He is also the Pastor of The Master’s Touch International Church in Orlando, Florida. Put that together with his burgeoning schedule of fleecing the sheeple on TBN, and I bet you think he’s got a pretty full plate, no?? WELL……….you don’t know the HALF of it. He’s ALSO (according to HIM of course) a theologian, a trained and certified personal coach, a mentor, a spiritual director, a physician of the soul (No, really. I didn’t know Jesus was taking interns), a published author and writer, an accomplished pianist, composer, vocalist, and songwriter. WOW………where DOES he find the time to construct his false doctrines?? Oh well, when something is important to you, I guess you make the time.Of course, he’s also a false teacher, a false prophet and a pimp……..but that doesn’t look as spiffy on the old resume.

I called his office for info about his “Life Coaching” and spoke to a nice lady named Misty. She informed me that for a fee, I could actually speak to Mark over the phone once a week for some “coaching” and “dream fulfillment” spiritual direction (you can imagine my giddiness). There was a 3 month minimum (you can’t get all coached up to fulfill your dreams in under 3 months, silly) and it would only cost me $900. Mark would also be willing to address me in a group of 8 in a conference call for only $450……..but of course without the $900 personal attention of a one-on-one 30 minute call I might not get my dreams fulfilled. Maybe a daydream at best.

Of course, if that’s too steep, you can get your patented Destiny Development Profile from Mark for only $195. BUT………it comes with a disclaimer. I am NOT making this up, I’m pulling it DIRECTLY from his website.

Though your profile results are both highly informative and beneficial, without a follow-up coaching session with Dr. Chironna you may find it difficult to accurately interpret what you see….invest the extra $99 to spend 30 minutes with Dr.Chironna going over any questions you have as well as learning how to actually read and evaluate your profile.

(Editors note: We have a digital copy of the page already. If the statement is removed from the page linked above, contact us and we’ll swap the link to point to our digital copy and we’ll mention the statement was removed from his website.)

SO………another $99 so Mark can guide you through the New Age Mumbo-Jumbo. $195+$99=$294. Heck, for only $156 more, I can get the $450 conference call. I’d be a fool to pass up a deal like THAT. I also asked Misty to send me some information on Mark’s educational credentials. This is what his website claims for him………

Mark J. Chironna, B.A., M.A., PhD. is a certified and trained life and executive coach, with The Institute For Life Coach Training and a Certified Executive Licensee with The Winslow Research Institute. In addition he is a member of the International Coach Federation.

I checked out the IFLCT and the Winslow Institute, but neither offers B.As, M.As, or PhDs. When I wanted the pricing structure for M-M-M-Mark’s “services”, the response was quicker than Benny Hinn running from a “60 Minutes” camera. Oddly,my requests for clarification of Chironna’s educational credentials remains unanswered. I think we know why.

If you’ll go to the “Life Coaching” link provided above, you can see the overwhelming pile of psycho-babble and man-centered drivel Mark provides for a hefty fee. I was never aware that God was so concerned with MY dreams. All this time I thought it was about HIS will. How blind I was before M-M-M-Mark Chironna straightened me out.

Well, between the Christless man-centered New Age psycho-babble and the inducements to send in huge amounts of cash, we can see why the Crouch’s love him. His “ministry” of instructing the sheeple on how to give God the middle finger, so they can get THEIR dreams (lusts) fulfilled rather than God’s will, along with his false seed faith teaching make M-M-M-Mark Chironna the perfect shill for TBN. Chironna’s theology is as light and fluffy as Jan’s cotton candy wig and his Word of Faith teaching is every bit as heretical as Copeland, Hinn, or Dollar. But at least his hair is better than Steve Munsey’s.

OK, late info from our buddy Matt Green. Chironna “graduated” (snicker snicker) from Vision International University (snicker). What’s a “Vision International University” you ask?? Well, it’s an UNACCREDITED INTERNET BIBLE SCHOOL. Boy, I bet THAT was demanding. Can you say “diploma mill”?? Compared to THAT, it makes my graduation from Rhema look like a Harvard degree. At least Rhema has BUILDINGS, and I actually WENT to Oklahoma to attend. M-M-M-Mark got his “diploma” (snicker, snicker, chortle) sitting at home in his torn BVDs between games of Tetris.

Editor’s note: Wikipedia includes this about Vision International University. (Direct link to the Wikipedia article is in the last link above.)

Controversy

In October 2002, Vision International received a cease and desist order from the State of Connecticut Department of Higher Education, which found that the school had offered degrees and certificates in Bible study without being authorized to operate as an institution of higher education in the state. In response, Vision International withdrew its contracts with three Connecticut organizations that had been offering its programs.

In July 2007 a Mexican newspaper reported that the Secretariat of Public Education (SEP) of Mexico had issued a warning against Vision International and ten other foreign institutions identified as having committed academic fraud.

Uh, Mexico is not the place Americans look to for great institutions for higher learning. So if Mexico rejects you, lets just say that’s not a good sign.

See video of Mark Chironna’s fleecing in action in the post, John Francis and Mark Chironna Trying to Sell God. Night 4 of the November 2007 TBN Pimp-a-thon!

(This article was written by GaryV, with editing by IndependentConservative.)