I was reading a commentary in the Washington Post today. It featured all the usual crying and moaning I’ve heard from Black women. About how they can’t find a good man. How they “really would like to marry”, but they “have all that they need in being alone”. What an oxymoron. Many of these women have no problem engaging in fornication like men, yet they complain that men are the problem. The real issue is that often both parties are not upholding a truly Godly lifestyle and one is complaining that the other is acting less Godly than themselves.

So being a Black man, I’m going to run with the accusation from Black women that Black men are the problem. Black men overall are not doing as well as Black women and every available measure proves that to be true. So I’m going to offer my “sisters” a little advice, that I’ve often given to single Black females I know. But first let me allow you to read a little of the commentary and maybe you can identify the real source of her problem, if we go with the idea that Black men overall are not doing well for themselves.

Were you able to identify the recurring theme in her statements? It’s said by all Black women. And it’s the source of their problems in finding a mate. The problem is that they exclusively reserve their options for a man to Black men only. In a nation with plenty of available men looking for a spouse, they have excluded themselves to a set that is statistically proven to be least likely to marry. Black women need to stop looking for a “good Black man” and start looking for a “good man”. As in a man that fears the Lord and they should be trying to do the same themselves. If things were reversed and Black women were the ones doing worst overall than Black men, don’t fool yourself into thinking that Black men would reserve themselves exclusively to Black women. And we already know Black men are more likely to date interracially than Black women. Although some Black women are seeing beyond race when they look for a mate.

I should mention, I’m not saying that anyone looking for a mate should date exclusively outside of their own race. However I do think people should not cry or complain about difficulty finding a mate, when they decide to limit the pool of available candidates on the basis of skin tone. True there are some cultural differences between races, but anyone willing can move beyond that, because even when 2 Black people from different regions date there are cultural differences.

Sometimes single Black women I know might ask me “do you know any GOOD single men”? They mean good “Black” men. I’m supposed to understand by default that they only want a Black man. I suggest to them that they “broaden their horizons”. And you would think I asked them to sacrifice a finger! They immediately shake their head and close their eyes as, if it would cause them great pain to even consider such an act. These women are willing to die alone before they would dare date outside of their own race.

Maybe this is why some Black men don’t strive to do better for themselves? They know they will continue to have a loyal supply of women willing to date them. I think if more Black women were willing to date in a more open market of suitors, that Black men would feel the need to step up their game a bit. In order to compete, or face dealing with a shorter supply of people to date themselves.

I’ve got to mention one terrible statement made by one of the friend’s of the author of the commentary in the Washington Post.

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“If Jesus Christ bought me an engagement ring, I wouldn’t take it,” a separated thirty-something friend told me. “I’d tell Jesus we could date, but we couldn’t marry.”
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This is an example of just how far some women have moved away from the teachings of Christ himself. Jesus said:

But some women are ignoring this. They are not remaining single for the sake of the gospel. They are staying single for the sake of their own ego and would reject Jesus himself. What will women like that say when Jesus comes for his bride, which is the church? These women have no problem engaging in fornication and that is why they often feel no need to marry. They have tried to design a life that skirts God’s will. I hope they repent.

And Whites may soon be heading down the same path Blacks are already on. As the commentary mentions:

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African American women aren’t the only ones deciding that they can make do alone. Often what happens in black America is a sign of what the rest of America can eventually expect. In his 2003 book, “Mismatch: The Growing Gulf between Women and Men,” Andrew Hacker noted that the structure of white families is evolving in the direction of that of black families of the 1960s. In 1960, 67 percent of black families were headed by a husband and wife, compared to 90.9 percent for whites. By 2000, the figure for white families had dropped to 79.8 percent. Births to unwed white mothers were 22.5 percent in 2001, compared to 2.3 percent in 1960.
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One of her male friends offered this outlook for marriage.

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A black male acquaintance had a different prediction. “I don’t believe marriage is going to be extinct, but I think you’ll see fewer people married,” he said. “It’s a bad thing. I believe it takes the traditional family — a man and a woman — to raise kids.” He has worked with troubled adolescents, and has observed that “the girls who are in the most trouble and who are abused the most — the father is absent. And the same is true for the boys, too.” He believes that his presence and example in the home is why both his sons decided to marry when their girlfriends became pregnant.
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The bottom line is that God’s way is best and those who try and avoid God’s will are the ones doing the worst overall.